Noisy Classroom? Read These Tips...

One day, in front 36 riotous sophomores, I clutched my chest and dropped to my knees like Sergeant Elias at the end of Platoon. Instantly, dead silence and open mouths replaced classroom Armageddon. Standing up like nothing had happened, I said, "Thanks for your attention -- let's talk about love poems."

I never used that stunt again. After all, should a real emergency occur, it would be better if students call 911 rather than post my motionless body on YouTube. I've thought this through.

Most teachers use silencing methods, such as flicking the lights, ringing a call bell (see Teacher Tipster's charming video on the subject), raising two fingers, saying "Attention, class," or using Harry Wong's Give Me 5 -- a command for students to:

1. Focus their eyes on the speaker
2. Be quiet
3. Be still
4. Empty their hands
5. Listen.

There is also the "three fingers" version, which stands for stop, look, and listen. Fortunately, none of these involve medical hoaxes.

Lesser known techniques are described below and categorized by grade bands:

How to Quiet Kindergarten and Early Elementary School Children

Novelty successfully captures young students' attention, such as the sound of a wind chime or rain stick. Beth O., in Cornerstone for Teachers, tells her students, "Pop a marshmallow in." Next she puffs up her cheeks, and the kids follow suit. It's hard to speak with an imaginary marshmallow filling your mouth.

An equally imaginative approach involves filling an empty Windex bottle with lavender mineral oil, then relabeling the bottle "Quiet Spray." Or you can blow magic "hush-bubbles" for a similar impact.

Teaching Chick places quiet critters on every desk. If a child becomes noisy, she moves the critter to the edge of his or her desk. "If I see them talking again, I will take their quiet critter." Kids still possessing their critters at the end of an activity get their name added to a reward chart.

If you want to go electronic, check out Traffic Light by ICT Magic, which is simply a stoplight for talkers. Other digital methods include the Super Sound Box, Class Dojo, or the Too Noisy App -- an Apple and Android tool that determines noise level and produces an auditory signal when voices become too loud.

Late Elementary and Middle Grade Attention Getters

Back when I taught middle school students, I would announce, "Silent 20," as a way to conclude an activity. If students returned to their seats and were completely quiet in 20 seconds, I advanced them one space on a giant facsimile of Game of Life. When they reached the last square (which took approximately one month), we held a popcorn party.

One of the best ways to maintain a quiet classroom is to catch students at the door before they enter. During these encounters, behavior management expert Rob Plevin recommends using "non-confrontational statements" and "informal chit-chat" to socialize kids into productive behaviors, as modeled inPlevin's video.

Two approaches for securing "100 percent attention" are modeled in a short video narrated by Teach Like a Champion author Doug Lemov -- a minimally invasive hand gesture and countdown technique ("I need two people. You know who you are. I need one person . . . ").

Another idea is to use a content "word of the week" to signal that it's time for silence. Examples: integer, renaissance, or circuit.

Quieting High School Students

Sometimes, rambunctious high school classrooms need a little longer to comply. In An ELT Notebook article, Rob Johnson recommends that teachers write the following instructions in bold letters on the chalkboard:

If you wish to continue talking during my lesson, I will have to take time off you at break. By the time I've written the title on the board you need to be sitting in silence. Anyone who is still talking after that will be kept behind for five minutes.

The strategy always, always works, says Johnson, because it gives students adequate warning.

Another technique, playing classical music (Bach, not Mahler) on low volume when learners enter the room, sets a professional tone. I played music with positive subliminal messages to ninth graders until they complained that it gave them headaches.

Call and Response

Below is a collection of catchy sayings that work as cues to be quiet, the first ones appropriate for early and middle grade students, and the later ones field tested to work with high school kids.

Teacher says . . .		Students Respond with . . .
Holy . . .		. . . macaroni.
1, 2, 3, eyes on me . . .		. . . 1, 2, eyes on you.
I’m incredible . . .		. . . like the Hulk. Grrrrrr. (Kids flex during the last sound)
Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy . . .		. . . macarena.
I get knocked down . . .		. . . but I get up again, you're never going to keep me down.
Oh Mickey, you're so fine . . .		. . . you're so fine, you blow my mind -- hey Mickey.
The only easy day . . .		. . . was yesterday. (A Navy Seals slogan)

Implementation Suggestions

For maximum effect, teach your quiet signal and procedure, as demonstrated in these elementary and high school classroom videos. Next, have kids rehearse being noisy until you give the signal for silence. Don't accept anything less than 100 percent compliance. Then describe appropriate levels of noise for different contexts, such as when you're talking (zero noise) or during a writing workshop (quiet voices), etc.

If a rough class intimidates you (we've all been there), privately practice stating the following in an authoritative voice: "My words are important. Students will listen to me." Say it until you believe it. Finally, take comfort in the knowledge that, out of three million U.S. educators who taught today, two or three might have struggled to silence a rowdy class.

How do you get your students' attention?

Teach A Lesson Without Grounding Your Kids

First, you don't just "remove punishment." Once you aren't punishing, kids feel safer, so the emotions they've been stuffing come pouring out -- sometimes in the form of rudeness toward parents. You need to replace the punishment with a positive connection with you, so your child respects you and WANTS to follow your rules.

Transitioning to positive parenting can be hard. Your child has already come to understand the world through a certain lens. He thinks the only reason to "behave" is that otherwise he'll be punished by losing a privilege or being grounded. Of course, you'd rather have him choose to do the right thing because he wants to have a positive impact on the world, not because he's afraid of being caught and punished. But how do you teach him the lessons he still needs to learn, if you no longer use punishment to motivate him?

Grounding your child, removing privileges, punishing with extra chores -- all of these approaches are meant to "teach a lesson."  But research shows that kids get preoccupied with the unfairness of the punishment, instead of feeling remorse for what they did wrong. The lessons you want to teach, I assume, are:

• His actions have an impact on the world.
• He can always choose his own actions and he is responsible for them.
• Everyone makes mistakes. When we make a mistake, it is our job to repair things.  Cleaning up messes is usually harder than making a more responsible choice to begin with.
• When we reflect on our actions and their impact on the world, it helps us make a better choice next time.
• It takes courage to do the right thing. But when we make responsible, considerate choices, we become the kind of person we admire, and we feel better about ourselves.

Right? Here's how.

1. First move yourself from anger into empathy. Once your child knows you're on his side, he feels safe to engage with you. Without that sense of safety, your child's heart is hardened to you -- because he expects judgment and punishment -- and you have no influence at all. So just tell him you need some time to think, and get calm before you talk about what happened.  

2. Start with connection. Children of any age, including teenagers, respond to that connection by being more open to your guidance. If your child is worried about you getting upset at her, she'll move into "fight, flight or freeze" and learning will shut down.  She's also more likely to lie. The only way to actually "teach a lesson" is to create a safe conversation. To do that, remember that your child has a reason for what she did. You may not consider it a good reason, but to her it's a reason. If you don't find out her reason, you can't prevent a recurrence.

3. Tell your child you want to hear his thoughts about what happened.  Then let him talk. Reflect to clarify (and demonstrate) your understanding:

"I see...so the guys really wanted you to play basketball, and it was at the same time as the study session for the test? That's a hard choice."

"Wow! So you and your sister were really furious at each other... you were so hurt when she....I would have been mad too, if someone said that to me......and you really wanted to get back at her, huh?"

4. Keep your focus on connecting with your child and seeing the situation from his point of view. This helps you, and him, understand what motivated him. This gives him an opportunity to work through the feeling or the unmet need that drove his behavior. Kids always know what the right choice was, but something got in their way. What was it? How can he (with your help) address that so he can make a better choice next time?

For instance, let's say he played basketball with his friends instead of going to the study session, and then failed his test. You might find as you talk with him that he has a lot of anxiety about being accepted by the guys and felt he had to play basketball to be one of the gang. This social anxiety may be something he actually needs your help to sort out and problem-solve about, and once he does he'll be a lot more ready to focus on schoolwork.

But by simply punishing him, you would never have even known about it. You would have lost the opportunity to help him address his feelings and find a good solution for next time. In fact, since punishment doesn't help him resolve his conflict, he might very well do the same thing next time, but invent some story to cover himself.

5. Ask open-ended questions.  Keep the conversation as safe and as light as possible. If you can share a laugh, you'll defuse the tension and strengthen your bond, so remind yourself that this is a growth experience for both of you, and summon up your sense of humor.

• Was he aware of making a choice? 
• What led him to that choice? 
• What does he think about it now? ("How did that work out for you?")
• Was there a cost to making that choice? 
• Would he do it again? 
• Why or why not? 
• How could he support himself to choose differently next time?
• What support would he like from you, so he can choose differently next time?

6. Empower your child to repair what he's "broken." Explore and learn with your child, rather than assuming that you know what should happen now. Once he isn't being controlled by that unmet need or upsetting feeling, and he sees the result of his action (failed test, hurt sister, broken window, whatever), he feels regretful.  This is only after the feelings or needs have been processed, of course.  But once they aren't driving him, his "goodness" is free to come through.  He naturally wants to make things better.

So you ask him:

• What can you do now to make things better?
• Did this incident show you anything in your life that you want to change, that's bigger than this one incident?
• How can I support you? 

7. Resist the urge to jump in with punishments. Instead, be quiet and listen.  This is not about him being punished and losing privileges and being told what bad things are now going to happen to him. It's about him realizing that what he does has an impact, and taking responsibility to have a positive rather than a negative impact. If you can avoid playing the heavy, your son can actually take responsibility, because he isn't on the defensive.

In the example of the failed test, maybe he makes a written chart about schoolwork, and sits with you to do it every night, and asks the teacher for extra credit work to do, etc. Is that punishment? No, not if this is the plan that he brainstorms with you to come up with. In fact, if you help him actually follow through and partner with him so he can achieve his goals, then it's completely empowering and could transform his ability to achieve in school.  Of course, he might not know that this is what he needs to be successful. Sometimes, you'll make the choice to give him this support, not as a punishment, but because your job as a parent is to provide the structure to help him succeed.

If the bad choice was hurting his sister, then the reparations would be to her.  All children have mixed emotions about siblings, but that means there is affection and comradeship in there somewhere, and even protectiveness. "How can you help your sister feel safe with you again?"

8. What if she says no repair work is necessary; that she doesn't care if she failed the test and her sister deserved what she got?  She's still on the defensive.  Say "Oh, Sweetie....I understand why this happened and why you made this choice....but that doesn't mean your choice worked out well...you must still be very upset to say that....I know that when you aren't so upset you would feel differently....Let's give this a break and talk more later." Give her a chance to calm down.  

When you start talking again, start with empathy. That's what helps her heal those feelings. And model taking responsibility, maybe by saying "I think some of this is my fault...I didn't realize you were falling behind in class, or I would have helped you address it before now." Set a clear expectation that she needs to come up with a repair with her sister, and that you know she will figure out the perfect thing.

9. Step into your own power. You as the grown-up have more power than you know in this situation. Your child is depending on your leadership, even if she seems to be resisting it. If she hurt her sister, it gives you an opportunity to address the obvious sibling rivalry. If she failed her test, it gives you an opportunity to consider your family's overall prioritization of schoolwork, and how YOU can support your child to manage it. When we give our children sufficient support, they usually rise to the level of our expectations.  Some kids just need more support than others.

10. Set limits as necessary. If your child has broken a family rule, then you'll need to reinforce that rule.

• "Homework always comes first, before play." 
• "In this family, we use our words to tell each other when we're upset about something. We don't hit."

11. Don't rescue. Sometimes your child's infraction goes beyond the family. He was caught cheating at school, or drinking with his buddies, or he was in a car accident. Resist the temptation to rescue him from the consequences of his actions. If you do, he will learn nothing from this incident. That's a set-up for him to repeat the behavior that led to this result. Instead, listen, empathize, and love him unconditionally. But be very clear that he has to pay the price for his behavior. If that means failing the course at school, or working to repair the car and not being allowed to drive it, that's the natural consequence of his behavior. Much better for him to suffer the pain now and learn something, while he's a minor.

12. Expect an adjustment period. Like any transition, a change in your parenting from punitive to empathic parenting will include both of you learning the new territory. No blame.  We all do the best we can as parents. But if you've been punishing, your child was obeying out of fear. Once you stop punishing, she stops obeying. So you need to make it your highest priority to do some repair work on your connection, FIRST, so she WANTS to cooperate with you, and doesn't want to disappoint you. Otherwise, she'll just flaunt your rules.

But what if she just can't regulate herself to stop fighting with her sister or do her homework?  This is where you pay the piper for your previous punishing -- it's likely she has some big upsets stored up that are driving her behavior. The key is to stay empathic and not take it personally. Remind her that you speak with respect to her, and that you expect civility in return: "You must be so upset to speak to me that way...What's going on, Sweetie?"  Stay compassionate.  Welcome her upset feelings. The more safety you can provide, the sooner your child will be willing to cry and share what's really bothering her. Once she empties her emotional backpack of all those uncomfortable feelings she's been lugging around, she'll be much more open to connecting. And because you've stayed compassionate, she'll know you're on her side, and she'll WANT to cooperate, whether she's three or thirteen. She'll even start thanking you for your patience!

The hard part is changing your own habits, but luckily you'll see positive changes very quickly so you'll have incentive to keep going. Don't worry about changing your child's thinking. If you change, they change.