School Attendance Matters!!!

In my school counseling program, I have enjoyed doing attendance small group sessions.  My students have really enjoyed the activities and seem to get the big picture of why regular school attendance is so important.

The small group meets six times.  Each year, I use attendance data to form the group and include it as part of my ASCA National Model Plan for the school year.  For the past two years, I’ve worked with third graders.  The selected students usually have 15+ absences from the previous school year.

During our first session, the students brainstorm reasons why school attendance matters.  This year, I had them brainstorm on their own sheets first.  I used discussion cards to help students who couldn’t think of enough ideas for their sheets.  While we discussed the different ideas, they were free to add them to their own lists.  We concluded by filling in the bubble chart together.

For the second session, the students made a foldable.  Inside, they wrote about Responsible Routines. After assembling the foldable with the labels, they wrote under each flap giving responsible routines for the morning, after school and at night.  This includes routines such as waking up on time to get to school, having everything ready for the next day the night before and going to bed at a decent hour.

When we met for the third session, the students watched two videos about the importance of school attendance.   One video is an attendance rap and the other shows the staff at a school, along with students, talking about different reasons why it’s important to attend school regularly.  While watching, they write points from the videos that stand out to them. Afterwards, the group members share their notes. Next, we begin making  a fortune teller using information shared by the group along with the brainstorming sheets from the first session.

Our fourth session involves finishing the fortune tellers and completing the  “Set the Scene” activity.  “Set the Scene” allows us to discuss the path from good attendance in school to a career.  The students cut out, sequence and glue six strips in order and illustrate each on the filmstrip sheet.

During the fifth session, we play an attendance board game.  This game  includes questions about the information from the first four sessions. If there are any activities that students need to finish from previous meetings, time is allowed during this session.

When we meet for our final session, we play Roll and Respond.  Students roll a die and respond to sentence starters about attendance. Before leaving, they complete an exit ticket which reflects what they’ve learned during the small group.  They take all of their completed activities with them to share with their teachers and families.  

After we have completed the small group, I continue to keep up with the attendance patterns of each of the students when I meet monthly with the attendance committee at my school.  I will also meet again with the students to review what was learned in our small group.  Individual sessions are held with students who continue to have attendance concerns.  The good news:  This year’s attendance data for the group is looking good and is much better than what they ended the school year with last year!

The High Cost of Childcare

A single mom of twins, Angie LaPort can't wait until next fall.  That's when her days of paying for full-time childcare will end.  For four years, LaPort's children attended a Kindercare center full-time.  Ms. LaPort was happy with the care her children received; but at $1400 per month, she could only make it work with the financial assistance of a family member.

"We were so fortunate to get help with childcare expenses from my grandfather, but he, too, had expenses to take care of,"  says LaPort, who works full-time, and attends classes at a community college.  When her grandfather could no longer afford to help out, Angie needed a more affordable option for childcare and started looking at other options.  In the end, Ms. LaPort made arrangements with two different stay-at-home-moms that she trusts to watch her children on different days.  LaPort admits that it's a complicated schedule; however, for now, it's the best choice for her family.

Like Angie, many parents struggle with the cost of childcare, as well as finding a schedule that works.  The cost of full-time, center-based childcare for an infant is nearly half (49 percent) the median annual income for single mothers, and 39 percent for a preschooler, according to the 2013 brief, Child Care Affordability.

Childcare affordability seems to be a concern regardless of ones family situation. With an average childcare cost of $13,756 annually per infant, and $10,723 per preschooler, center-based childcare can be a huge burdon on many family.


Why Are Costs So High?

Childcare professionals are not highly paid, but costs remain high due to several different factors.  Childcare is a labor-intensive industry due to required staff-to-child ratios.  These ratios range from one teacher for every five children through one teacher for every ten children depending upon the child's age.  Consider the cost of those ratios compared to an elementary school classroom or college lecture class.

Another reason is that full-time childcare programs must typically be open for 11 or 12 hours per day in order to accommodate working families.  In order for chlidcare programs to operate, they must be staffed with enough qualified teachers to cover all of their operating hours.

Additionally, for-profit businesses usually pay a higher property tax than residential properties.


Alternatives To Childcare

Many families have discovered that, regardless of quality care and/or changes to the system for assistance, full-time childcare just doesn't fit their current life situations. Therefore, they seek out alternatives, which require a myriad of differing sacrifices.

"Although I always wanted to stay home with my children, the fact that one or the other of our salaries would just go to day care meant it wasn't much of a choice anyway,"  says Michelle Little.  Ms. Little stays home and adds to her income by doing in-home childcare for two other children providing less expensive care for working moms that need it.

For Jennifer DeVine, a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist, her work schedule of 12 to 14 hours per day is the primary factor that keeps her from using childcare centers.  With a husband that travels and no extended family in town Jennifer says, "Daycare just isn't an option for us, as they open too late and close too early.  We have relied on nannies to keep afloat in the childcare arena.  So far, we have been extremely fortunate; but we are starting to search for another nanny since we are moving across town, and the commute will be too much for our current nanny."

Nanny costs can vary based on the amount of time needed, the needs of the family and children, and the experience and education levels of the nanny; but these costs are even more expensive than childcare centers.  The average cost of a nanny is approximately $14.00 per hour, but can go as high as $30 per hour.

For Christy Driver, the main motivation for transition from full-time work with a child in day care to being a stay-at-home-mom was more about reducing stress than cost.  "My employer was asking for more hours; and it was really difficult to pump at work.  At the end of the day, I really missed my baby,"  Christy says.  Ms. Driver made it work by cutting back on the grocery bill and clothing expenditures for herself. Though she knows firsthand that staying home is certainly stressful in different ways, Christy firmly believes it's the best decision for her family at this time.  Christy states, "I am able to run errands during the day when there is less traffic; and I have more flexibility when family comes to visit."


The Cost of Leaving Work

Christy Driver, in addition to many other parents who have left their career for a time in order to be home with their children, often worry about the ability to keep up their professional skills.  "The part that scares me is that I know I want to go back to work eventually; and I don't know how to keep up with technology in my field," Driver says.  "I'll be older and out-of-date.  I wonder if I'll be able to find anything, or if I'll have to go back to school."

This, of course, is a valid concern, and taking years off work does affect women financially in the long run.  While a reduction paid work may make economic sense for women at a single point in time, if does depress women's lifetime earning potential.  This, in turn, can hinder their capacity to support themselves in retirement.  Research suggests that access to work/family supports, including reliable childcare and health insurance, increases women's earnings and job attachment, particularly for lower-waged women.

If you decide to leave the workforce for a while, there are many resources for parents when they are ready to return.  One such resource, www.irelaunch.com, is dedicated to helping people successfully re-launch their careers.  Another site, tentiltwo.com, focuses on placing people who might not have extended school hours childcare in part-time jobs that accommodate the school hours of their children.

Rachel Saunders, head of communications for Opportunity Now, encourages parents to remember that being at home with kids develops new skills that can help in a career.  Saunders states, "Being at home with kids develops your people skills, your creative problem solving, your ability to multi-task, and your time management like no job I've ever had...You should approach ever job with your head held high."

Regardless of the childcare choices you make for your family, it's absolutely worth it to spend some time researching your options.  You might find a situation you had previously not considered that is a better fit for your current life stage.

Kristine Kilgour, M.Ed., LPSC
School Counselor & Mediator
gracecoachingandmediation@gmail.com

Changing The Way You Come Home To Find Afternoon Delight For You And Your Kids!

We’ve all been there. It starts with that blissful moment of reuniting with your children at school after being apart for the day. Hugs, smiles, news to share; and yet, the minute you get home, it all seems to fall apart. 

No matter how much I psyched myself up for the afternoons and being with my children, many days I wondered if we had some sort of toxin in the house that infused my kids with crankiness upon arrival home. 

Over the years working with families, I heard this same story over and over. Well, at least I wasn’t the only one. Misery loves company, I know; but really, I was beginning to dread this time of day at times. I knew that feeling meant it was time for a change; and, the solution to this problem was strikingly simple: we needed to change the way we came home.
Drum roll please….
First thing upon arriving home from the school and work day, spend 15 minutes of uninterrupted time connecting with your children. Leave your phone in the other room, and let your children direct the play. It will change your entire evening.Why It Works

Much like the mismatch of needs that can happen at bedtime, often our goals upon arriving home are much different from those of our children. They have been looking forward to seeing you after being separated, and they want your attention. They want to share their day with you, they want to play, and they want your FULL UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.
What about our goals at that time of day? Once you cross the threshold, you are a parent on a mission. Mail needs to be opened, homework needs to be done… laundry… dinner…baths...the list goes on and on. You barely get started on your first task, and your children have already requested an entire list of things. The next few hours become a series of requests from the kids, us telling them to wait a second, us getting distracted in the next task, and by dinnertime, there have been several meltdowns, including some of your own. Does this sound familiar?

They want all of you, you are trying to accomplish all of the tasks that need to happen so that you can eat, sleep, rinse and repeat. Match made in heaven? I think not.

The Results Are In

Within days of shifting the way we came home, afternoons begin to look much brighter to me. I found out that when children get what they need, even in small doses, they are actually quite sane, wonderful little people. I don’t mean their "needs" for ice cream, video games and you as their personal butler. I am talking about their need to connect.

At the heart of it, we all need to know we belong, we matter, and our presence is worth noticing. What’s interesting, is that we don’t need a whole lot of it. We just need a little bit to settle in and transition from the outside world of chaos to the safety of home and family. Our kids have been separated from us all day, and all they want is us. It’s pretty flattering, given how much we mess up with this whole parenting thing sometimes.

I have shared this strategy with many of the families I have worked with, and all have found the same result. Spend 15 minutes really being present, really being engaged with your child, and I promise that you will be amazed at how easily you can sail through your own tasks. The real benefit is not just an easier time getting your stuff done, but a happier, more connected family.

Who’s In?

I know change is hard; but the very best way we can teach our children to try something new is to model it ourselves. As we are transitioning in to the new school year, why not take the opportunity to shift the afternoon disaster to afternoon delight? I challenge you to try it out for one week. We can’t wait to hear how it shifts your day, your evening, and your family. 

Kristine Kilgour, M.Ed., LPSC

School Counselor & Mediator

6636 West William Cannon Drive, Suite 1627

Austin, TX  78735

512-704-5265

gracecoachingandmediation@gmail.com

What Is Mindfulness?

Quick Tips For Writing Effective College Application Supplements

While often left as one of the final steps in the application development process, individual school supplements play an important role in helping college admissions officers understand how and why you may be a strong fit for their college.  It may very likely be the only opportunity for you to directly articulate the connections between what each school has to offer and what you are looking for in a college.  With this said, it is important to make your school supplements personal, detailed, and as specific to each school as possible.

Here are a few additional tips to consider as you develop your school supplements:

• be clear about your own interests and goals within that particular school
• try to go beyond the generalities of a school (e.g., location, size, liberal arts college, etc)
• make your key points personal to you, including as many specific details as you have room for
• do your research about each school
• maximize your use of available words (no need for introduction, summary sentences, etc)
• reference a visit and/or campus conversation, when relevant
• proofread before submission
• have your school counselor, college & career counselor, and parents read before submitting

Kristine Kilgour, M.Ed., LPSC                                                                                                                       School Counselor & Mediator                                                                                                                            512-704-5265                                                                                                                                              gracecoachingandmediation@gmail.com

Raising Kids Who Will REALLY Listen

Raising Kids Who REALLY Listen

When it comes to your kids, is it in one ear and out the other? Want to raise kids who really listen? Chances are you do and we’ve got a few tips that can help with this goal in mind. While this list is geared towards encouraging younger children, you can change the phrasing a bit and adapt it for older children and teens

Without further ado, here we go:

1.     Listen up! One of the strongest ways that children learn is through modeling behaviors of their parents. You knew this was coming, right?

·       When you demonstrate good listening skills in your everyday life in the presence of your kids, they will learn those skills, too. They can see how it's done by watching you.

2.     Look away from that cell phone. When you want to communicate with your child, look away from your cell phone or stop your current activity to focus completely on them. Whether they initiate the conversation or you do, stop what you're doing so you can concentrate on your interaction. You have no idea how many kids comment on the fact that their parents don’t even look at them when they talk to them. Don’t be one of those parents.

3.     Look into their eyes. In any type of communication, look in the eyes of the person you're talking to and teach your children to do the same.

·       A subtle and special connection is made when people make eye contact. You better believe it! This behavior can be taught and picked up by children as young as two years of age.

4.     Name game. When you talk to your children, saying their namewill help get their attention and set them up to be ready to listen, just like when someone calls your name, you stop what you're doing and look at them.

·       Getting your child's attention by stating his name is an effective way to prepare him to hear what you're going to say. That focus is necessary to begin to develop listening skills.

5.     Take a seat. This suggestion sends the message, "Get ready to listen because I'm going to talk."

·       When your child is very young, try leading him to a chair. Then say something like, "I'd like to talk to you for a minute," which serves as an attention-getter.

·       Once you complete what you wanted to express, be ready to listen to your child's response.

6.     Check for understanding. From time to time, ask your child what you just said. You're trying to determine what your child heard by asking him to paraphrase what you said. When he repeats it properly, praise his efforts.

·       If he doesn't get it quite right, you have an opportunity to repeat what you said for clarification and to enhance his listening skills.

7.     Praise attempts at listening. When your child shows the smallest attempt to listen or to even approach listening, it's smart to reinforce those efforts right away. This is the principle of “successive approximation”.

·       Even with a 2-year-old, you can encourage their listening skills by saying, "Thank you for sitting so quietly while Mommy was talking," or, "You were really listening to Daddy, thank you."

·       After a conversation, simple responses, such as smiling while you say, "Great job on listening," also let your kids know they exhibited the important behavior you were seeking.

Promoting your child's listening abilities is best done in small ways every single day. As a parent, you're the best role model for teaching your children communication skills. Reward their efforts with smiles and positive comments, and you're on your way to building their listening skills for a successful future.

Kristine Kilgour, M.Ed., LPSC

School Counselor & Mediator

6636 West William Cannon Drive, Suite 1627

Austin, TX 78735

512-704-5265

gracecoachingandmediation@gmail.com

School Counselor Survival Kit

Ideas For Your School Counselor Survival Kit

These items will help you along the way in your career as a school counselor, whether you are a school counseling intern and have to schlep your stuff around a school, a new school counselor trying to fill an office. or a veteran looking for additional ideas.  Having your own School Counselor Survival Kit will help you on your journey.

Cart on Wheels - a cart on wheels such as the Rubbermaid Collapsible Cargo Crate can make getting from place to place a breeze. I highly recommend this item! I use mine all the time to lug my stuff around, and in and out of school.

Art supplies - You don't need to have a ton of art supplies, but I do recommend you have the basics, including crayons, colored pencils, markers, paper (lined, unlined, and construction paper).  I recommend Crayola brand, especially the twistable crayons and colored pencils.

Play-Doh - Play-doh party packs are great for groups and individual sessions. I like to give kids their own play-doh so they can take it home after group. Clay is another great option; and it is typically gluten free!

Stress Balls - Stress balls are helpful for teaching students about managing anger. You can get stress balls at many places for free. I have stress balls in the shape of everything from a computer to a baseball bat.  I got most of my stress balls from exhibit areas at conferences.

Stress Ball Making Supplies - If you don't mind getting a little messy, students LOVE making their own stress balls.  All you need is all purpose flour, balloons, scissors, and a funnel. For instructions check out my post, creating a stress ball.  You can also use a pool noodle to create a stress ball.


Bubbles - Children and adults alike LOVE bubbles. They are great to use for teaching relaxation techniques and to help students calm down.


Puppets - Finger Puppets are a great addition to your survival kit. Finger puppets are small so you can fit lots of them in your kit. Students love to act out situations or just play with the finger puppets. I have found great deals on finger puppets at  Amazon, Etsy, Ikea, Target, eBay, and Ten Thousand Villages.

Jenga - Jenga makes a great addition to a school counseling survival kit. There are many ways you can use Jenga in counseling. You can have each student ask a question as they pull out a block. It is great to talk about patience and frustration. With a colorful version of this game, you can have students pick emotions/feelings to represent each color. You can then have students talking about a time they experienced that feeling or how they could cope with that feeling when they pull the particular color.

Uno - Uno is a fun game to play with students the original way, or it can be used to talk about feelings and experiences. Allow students to pick feelings or rules for each color. Each time a someone lays down a color, they can talk about that feeling or experience. 


Portable Sand tray - One of the most used items in my office is my portable sand tray. I actually did not have this during my internships and wish I would have. It is great and inexpensive to make.  Cornstarch or cornmeal are great alternatives to sand.
 

Plastic Tube Animals - Plastic tube animals work great in a portable sand tray, or by themselves. I recommend getting dinosaurs and jungle, farm, or zoo animals to start your collection. *Other places to get plastic tube animals includes: craft stores such as Michael's, Ross/T.J.Maxx/Marshalls, and department stores, and Amazon.


Army People - Army people are a great addition to your school counseling survival kit, especially if you create a portable sandtray. Students play out scenarios and conflict using army people. They are super cheap and you can even find them a the dollar store!

Animal Crackers - Animal crackers make a great icebreaker! I have used animal crackers in groups for new students and as ice breakers in other groups. I have students pick an animal and identify how they are like that animal. It is a fun and tasty way to for students to get to know each other. I use gluten free animal crackers made by Kinnikinnick Foods, as many children (and adults) have food allergies and intolerances. 

Basketball Hoop - An Over-the-door basketball hoop is a necessity! It is great because you can put it up wherever you go. Both boys and girls love to use my basketball hoop. I use it often in individual and small group sessions with students. Sometimes we play a game where we answer a question then make a shot. Other times, students just talk to me about what is going on for them while shooting the basketball.

Balloons - Balloons have a variety of uses.  Balloons can be used to make stress balls (with sand or flour), teaching students how to calm down, remembering a loved ones through a balloon release, discussing tension, etc.   


Tissues - Nothing is worse than searching for tissues when a student requests one. I like to keep tissues in my school counseling survival kit just in case.

All of the items mentioned in the School Counselor Survival Kit will help you in your role as school counselor! You do not need all of these items at once. The great thing about these items is that the majority of them are multifunctional ; so you can use them for more than one activity.

I will be updating the School Counselor Survival Kit as I think of more ideas and places to buy items. I am always on the lookout for great items to share with other school counselors!


What items do you have in your "School Counselor Survival Kit?" 

Email me with your input!

Kristine Kilgour is a Pre K-12 Certified School Counselor, Mediator, Coach, and Blogger . Contact Kristine via email or at 512-704-5265.